Preceding my 23rd birthday by a day and some odd hours, my ability to reflect on the past year is at an all time high. I'll touch more on that some other time, but while the concept of artistic production is still fresh in my brain, let me tell you a story.
The rate at which I create anything is similar to the rate I find myself planning for events that never happen. Often, but rarely does anything satisfactory come out of it. I used to so terribly force my production of art in some form that eventually I fell into a slump of half a year or more that I didn't create anything except problems for myself. No writing, no drawing, no painting, no nothing. It was when I re-opened the door to that tiny secluded room in my brain and dusted off the book shelves and filing cabinets that I said to myself "if it doesn't happen naturally, I'm not going to force it." Quality over quantity became far more important to me than creating something solely to say I created something. If it doesn't feel natural, it's not genuinely me. Finding my footing realistically AND artistically has slowly started to become natural. One for the first time, one once again. It is hard for me to find people or situations that inspire me, but the more I can think through the "cheesy" stuff, the easier it is for me to find what makes sense and in the fashion it makes sense. When I started to chip away at those walls, I found the ease in going about creating. I'm inherently a creative person, so I'm always making something, thinking something, or coming up with something to tangibly conceptualize later, even if you don't see me actively doing it in front of you. I've found the joys in continuing in such a way. I had myself blocked off for so long, thinking if I couldn't make anything from the mind I was given, it was useless. I'm finding now that it was never that I couldn't make anything of it, it was I couldn't find pride in what I was making of it, which feels similar to making nothing at all. This evening I found myself at a venue in Charlotte, sitting in a room lit by blue lights and eager anticipation. Surrounded by people who have been fans of Jacob Whitesides far longer than I have, I sat and listened as he played unreleased songs, took questions, and reassured us "right now it's heavily hailing, in 10 minutes it will be mildly hailing." For me to drop almost $100 on an experience is completely out of character for me, but I did it with no hesitation. Perhaps it was the idea I was treating myself for my birthday. Perhaps it was the idea that I don't know when I'd get this opportunity again. Nonetheless, I can't help but feel like that was my subconscious brain telling me, from 17 days ago, that this event would put me above cloud nine, unexpectedly. The basic summary of Jacob that only applies to what i'm talking about here is this: in the past few years, he's taken his YouTube cover start and his impeccable ability to connect with people on any level, even if you don't listen to his music, from the internet, to a label, out of it again, and to what I'd consider his process room, if I had to put this general idea to a real experience. I can't say his own version of "the process room," because he's the one that has had the concept in his back pocket, I'm just the one that realized the shoe fit. He's been spinning his wheels since before I heard him at work a few months ago, as I found myself singing along to some of his early songs without realizing it was him, or even knowing who it was to begin with. He's gone from being micromanaged to having all of the power in his own hands again, and while fans are anxiously awaiting an album, an EP, or even another single, they also understand the trials and tribulations in his situation. To bring everyone a taste of that, he's created this tour, entitled The Process Room. Jacob was in a position that lots of artists in not just the pop world, but in any genre of art, would die for, and he walked away from it, because of the lack of control. The lack of authenticity. "Big artists are trying to think of what's in your head," he said tonight, "I'd rather write from what's in my head than be relatable." (Here comes the cliche) It is so unbearably rare to find someone whose first concern is to be genuine with themselves before they are concerned about being on top 40 radio. And to have the personality that Jacob has; his desire to find a good trait in everyone, his ability to willingly feel and explain raw emotion, and have that amount of positive energy hanging around him is so unbelievably special. I can't even tell you a handful of experiences within the music world that I've had that have left me the way I am this evening. In the 5+ years I've been going to concerts, I can say this event, above many else, will hold such a special place in my heart. Not just for the VIP aspect, but having been left with such an immense desire to create something and to be proud of it is unlike most other shows I go to. While the concept for his process room may be far different from mine, I'd like to think our rooms are in the same building. His room is built with the knowledge that he's got a strong foundation set, but what's happening within it is emotional. It's controlled. It's the deepest part of a process that a process can get. It's lit by blues and grays because that's the only light he feels like he can adequately shine in. Where both of our rooms are where ideas come to be built and slowly sent into the world, mine, at this rate, has shifted less from strictly my artistic ability, and more towards my ability to live my life like I never have before and be artistic from those experiences. To observe, to process, and to create, no matter the outcome. It's all a work in progress. (I didn't want to say process again.)