"I'm awake to the world. I was asleep before. That's how we let it happen. When they slaughtered congress, we didn't wake up. When they blamed terrorists and suspended the Constitution, we didn't wake up then, either. They said it would be temporary. Nothing changed instantaneously. In a gradually heating bathtub, you'd be boiled to death before you knew it."
I finished watching The Handmaid's Tale the other night and I have a few feelings I want to share about it. My hesitation towards watching it was enough to keep me from doing so for long enough. Eventually, I found myself with multiple days off in a row and no desire to fulfill any of my artistic duties, so to Hulu I went. I've been interested in the show, but knowing the basic premise of it, I was simultaneously reluctant and ready to dive right in. Holly had talked about it for weeks on end, and the last conversation, pre-viewing, that we had about it, she mentioned "you'll feel social-justice-y." I've got my own thoughts about the world we live in, but I tend to keep them to myself. I don't see how that may change, other than me feeling these feelings far more intensely now.
Let me preface this by saying this show is based on a book written by Margaret Atwood that was originally published in 1985 as a fictional story. I'm sure then, everything seemed relatively far-fetched to be true, but as we're creeping further and further from general women's rights (don't fight me on this), it's all becoming way too real for my poor imaginative brain to handle. This was the reason I originally did not want to watch it. I knew the outline of what was to be expected, although I have yet to read the book, and it was all things I had extensively thought about before. Women's bodies only being used to procreate in a time where a) nobody wants to procreate and b) where nobody necessarily can. More the former than the latter, but it still stands.
I've thought about it consistently. Everything could be taken from me, from us, in a split second. In this story, infertility becomes an issue. Those that can produce a child are given to families of power in this society called Gilead. Gilead is where the United States once stood, and is now run by a group of men who believe God himself delegated them to "restore" an order to this world. Where they can't be, their Eyes are (hellooooooo Max Minghella). Eyes are the eyes and ears of Gilead. If you act out in any way, you're abused, mutilated, or killed. If you're unable to fulfill your "biological duty" as a woman, they do away with you. You know the people who consistently say "there's a population problem anyways?" They're the types of people that would find this kid-less world ideal. I, however, find it to be horrifying.
As if my imagination doesn't create its own stories and scenarios itself, it's far worse to have these dark thoughts come to fruition, even if only in a somewhat fictional way. To be a very visual person, I curse the movie-reel like visions of my imagination and wish I could read a book or watch a show without having it double vision in my own brain. These thoughts of a man-ruled society, with the most extreme living conditions, and the possibility of things going more wrong than they already are have become a reality, Margaret Atwood. Please take your story and exit stage left. Then come back and tell me how you came up with such a sequence 32 years prior to something similar beginning to happen...... (conspiracies)
The words haven't been flowing, per se. However, I have found myself wanting to write more and more these days, about anything and everything. I took notes while watching The Handmaid's Tale, and filled a memo on my phone with some thoughts and some of my favorite dialogue. One inner monologue of which is at the very beginning of this post began quickly de-railing train of thought. I can't complain, because I dove into this series hoping to have some sort of epiphany or to have it conjure up enough thought and emotion for me to write something about it, and it's sort of working.
During one episode, I found myself feeling hypersensitive towards the sounds that were being used. I'm sure most of it was added in post, although it still received quite the reaction from my senses. I paused the show to go get something to eat, and felt like I could hear everything. It brought enough emotion out of me for me to write the following:
"Every so often I'll have a span of a few days where I feel like I notice everything. How sharp textures can be, how strong scents are, usually prompted by receiving new candles at work, and how bright and vivid my vision suddenly becomes. Unfortunately, that usually means I'm in a mental state where I can't focus on much that needs to be focused on, so it jumps ship and lets my senses take over, hoping I'll "come back," for lack of a better term. Recently I've noticed sounds. Especially in quiet rooms. When the kitchen is quiet in the evening and no one is anywhere to be found is where I find the quietest sounds are the loudest. Taking the chip clip off the Cheetos bag. The sound of my plastic bowl hitting the counter top. Closing the cabinet door. The crunch of a Cheeto between my teeth. It all became very loud.
When I get stuck in traffic, it makes me realize I'm always rushing somewhere. It's always some reason, never a good one. That could also be why my senses become heightened. It's like an unconscious sign that I need to literally take a second to stop and smell the roses.... because Freshly Cut Roses by Yankee Candle is all I can smell when I walk to the corner of the store. I need to stop and listen more. I like listening. I'd rather listen than contribute. Maybe instead of being scared of the silence, I should embrace the quiet sounds that come with it. How often do you purposely try to make the most noise in the world, while in a quiet room? It's 5 o'clock in the morning and you're trying to make breakfast. You're not going to slam the pan down on the stove top. Your first instinct is to tip-toe. I need to tip-toe, not run full speed ahead."
So to hope in watching this series, it would make some spark for me to take something out of it, and find a piece of myself within it, I'd say it proved to work out better than I had expected. My piece about sound may not be the most eloquently written, but in a moment of drowning in information and "what-if's," I'm pretty damn happy with that.
One of the last things that occurred to me as episode ten was coming to a close was how much we have to appreciate that we don't. Often I feel like I over-thank people, because I also feel like I don't sound genuine in expressing my gratitude towards them and their being. It makes me slightly apologetic, like it's too much. In the same aspect, I tend to over-like things. It could be the addictive personality gene that's been passed down and is frolicking somewhere in my brain, but sometimes it seems like it is too much. I know when I talk about something extensively, it feels like a bother to the people around me. I apologize. I stop talking about it. I realized that it's a shame to not broadly appreciate something that deserves that appreciation. I thought about the phrase "you don't know what you've got until it's gone," and this show feels like the perfect testament to that.
As someone who is way too sentimental for her own good, the idea of all of the things I love being taken from me is horrifying. They aren't allowed to read, they aren't allowed to write, they're very limited with what they can do and say, and above all, having the freedom to proudly be a woman isn't even in the question unless they're "blessed" enough to be raped and produce a child for a man who doesn't deserve it. That's a big no-no. I feel like a cheesy Tumblr post or something, but we're already on the way to having rights restricted all across the board, so please don't take advantage of the simple things. Over-like things. Talk about it until your voice is hoarse. Don't put people down for liking the things they really like.
To finish up my overall thought about this show, I'll leave you simply with this... You cannot teach a woman she's a gem and treat her like a pebble. If you build a woman up to believe in and embrace her strengths, you cannot expect those bricks to come tumbling down. She'll crack, she'll chip, and she'll weather, but she will not completely crumble at YOUR demand.
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